If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
