think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
