Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
are you so shy because you have an std?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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