they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
