For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
