Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
