I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
