Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
