eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
