I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
