He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
