You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They are going to name an STD after you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
