Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
