She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
