Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
