So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
