Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
