so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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