I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
