he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
two words...techno handjob
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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