Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
