alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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