omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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