how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
