your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
