I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
