We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
