My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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