i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize