whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
