I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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