im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just cropdusted the office
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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