Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
