Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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