Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
