the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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