I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
