Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bring me that man meat
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
