State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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