i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
