the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
