It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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