she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
