you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
