Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Text me some of your sweat
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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