Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
