I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
