im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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