hotel room ftw
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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