giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
