Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
