Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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