There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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